Often Imitated but Never Duplicated
St. Bernard Swami’s
Bentleague Draft Analysis
Lumber Jocks – Captain Skip Scoggin
Captain Skip
goes with consensus number 1 Bo Markovic to kick off Bentleague VII. We’ll soon find out if Bo Knows
Bentleague. Pre-season debut was impressive,
so Skip solidifies favorite status with solid picks early. Snake draft format was kind to Gilligan’s big
buddy as the Skipper backs up Bo with Mr. Ed(ney) and Pajama Top Travis. We’ll see if Being Bo Markovic can carry the
Lumber Jocks to the B VII crown. Swami does
note a clear advantage at the top as the number one position was kind to the
skipper. Bet Skip was a Mrs. Howel kind of
guy the Ginger and Marianne discussion most of had as youngsters. Bentleague witnessed newcomer
Travis win consistently last year and Swami knows he’s a gamer. A lot will be riding on top three picks and
how often can they all play. Also, like Sergeant
Schwartz at 4. Swami believes he has the
game to play at line 1 and 2 consistently.
Candlestick Maker (Butcher) at 5 and Soft Hands Thompson at 6 make a formidable
top 6. If the candlestick maker and hefty
lefty bounce back from sub-par showings in B VI, Swami sees the Lumber Jocks as
the favorite to capture the title. Swami
did note an unwillingness to share last season’s stats from the Blueman Group tech
savy lefty. One can only surmise he was
ashamed of that won/loss record. Same
goes for JB. Both will need a bounce back
year to keep LJ’s in the title race. But,
as only a past captain and winner of Bentleague would know, you need depth and
team chemistry up and down your line up to win on Thursday and Saturday’s in
Bentleague. Not just in the early
rounds. Glaring is the Reach at 6 with the
Mouth of Mandeville…! Good value at 8
and 9 may not make up for early selection of the tweener king. Mr. Topspin (Kobrock) may be playing his best tennis
right now coming off an impressive single’s season and Charlie Hustle (Ferr) will lay it
all on the line every match. Another singles
specialist at 10 (Schnieder) may help in the third round but suspect doubles game may be a
liability. Hard hitting Cannon at 11
never disappoints and continues to play with a chip on his soldier since being
Mr. Irrelevant in Bentleague I. Swami
knows not to be fooled by JB’s warm up routine.
When the match starts, he’ll be ready with a lot of variety to his
tennis game. 10, 11, and 12 should bode
well at line 4 and 5 for gaining some points.
Manic Mike, The Other Otillio, at 13 was a little high to Swami’s liking. No offense Mike. Was that a typo…jk. Been taking a lot of diversity and inclusion
classes lately so I assume that is the case at Mauti and Scoggiins. Indian Lives matter is alive and well in Bentleague and if
Annanth would just stay back and hit forehands he could dominate at line
5. Annanth, instead of being like Mike McGuire
you should be more like Bruce and just hit that big forehand from the baseline and forget about playing
at the net. Crazy Eyes Monaghan is
vastly improved but to date still overuses that frying pan slice forehand. Love him or hate him, Swami sees value at 16
with “Say it Ain’t So” Ray. Swami curious
to see match ups at the bottom of this team as the two C’s (chemistry and camaraderie)
could be an issue. I don’t see this team
having drinks together after a hard-fought win or a tough loss. That, according to the SBS may be their
downfall. Rounding out the lumber jocks with Dave ”Mr. Nice
Guy” Persons at 17 will help with team chemistry but may not get you W’s. Swami just don’t see that killer instinct with
bottom five picks. Will challenge week
in and week out, but question marks have Swami hedging on his grade. Swami sees the lumber Jocks as title contenders
but drastically missing the “IT” factor.
Swami just can’t get past that mistake at 6. Sure, he’s won a couple of titles in the past,
but Swami has seen a steady slide lately leading up to 9/16’s start date. I can’t recall his last win to be
honest. “2nd banana” was heard
by numerous onlookers when skip jumped the shark in the 6th round
on draft night. To be honest, Swami sees
too many 2nd bananas on this team to give them the coveted A grade.
Swami’s Draft Grade = B+ (Too Many 2nd
Bananas = 2nd Place IMO)
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Shake and Bake – Captain Doug Autin
Captain Autin
surprised some with Buddy the Elf Newton pick at 2 overall. Most thought the Mexican
Hollander would go number 2 overall. No
hedging from Bogalusa Doug as he stuck with his plan and executed it with
limited input from his draftees. Swami and others have witnessed
a slight decline in Sir Juan’s fitness of late and that may have contributed to
his slide. Only time will tell, but, pairing
the hard hitting righty with another top server will make for some quick points
at the top of Shake and Bake’s line up. Swami
does see attendance being a concern on weekends for Doctor Tim because the more
the tennis players at PAC age the more lucrative his other business becomes. On a sorrowful
note, we did have our first casualty of B VII already during warm-ups last
Thursday. The blue hairs and your tennis
friends at PAC are hoping for a speedy recovery Dave. Get well and get in shape and I hope Dr. Tim gives you a discount. Are the rumors true that the Ego is starting
to play the percentages on the tennis court and not always go for the 3%
shots. If that is true, Shake and Bake’s
title chances just increased threefold. Swami
has a feeling Fair will be needed at line 1 so partnering with Sir Isaac last
year may pay dividends this go round. Time for the Ego’s
game to match his hat size. Swami likes
the possible match ups for Shake and Bake which bodes well for a title
chase. Swami also likes The Donald with
something to prove again in B VII as little Bro Honeysuckle gets drafted ahead
of him - again. Pre-season pairings with
other Shake and Bakers revealed a lot of positive results. Adding in Sneaky Pete at 5 and Super Ray at 6
and Doug has pairing options I just don’t see with the other three teams. Ma-loch-chie Brothers go 8 and 9 and are sure
to have teams mumbling to themselves. Swami
knows no other two will compete harder than the duo from STB. If Jawn’s back holds up, I see a lot of
points coming to Shake and Back when the captain’s round comes up in round 3. Speaking of…it’s always good to have the best
playing captain of the three competitors although it didn’t work for the Swami
last year. If Bogalusa can temper the
gummies on game days and Friday nights, Swami believes this will be an
advantage in the later rounds as forced pairing come into play. Swami loves Gordon Geeko and the Shyster at 9
and 10 compared to their opposition.
Gordo also coming off an impressive singles season is playing some of
his best tennis. By far the best across
his line in most pre-draft guides. Swami
likes that slice back hand return he learned from Super Ray to cut down on errors. Should set up points nicely for that killer volley
put away. Swami sees a lot of points won
on this team in slots 7 through 10 too. One
of these are sure to challenge for the point title unless Bentley adopts a cockamamie
scoring system. Oh wait….he did. Underrated Burdette’s forehand at 11 should provide
easy pairings for Captain Doug. Swami
sees a future pairing with the Prince of the Parish in his future since he has arguably the best back hand return at PAC. Wayne’s World Durr ready for Bentleague
according to the scouts and his steady game will be a strong compliment to the BigZipper,
Boudreaux, and/or Jared. As mentioned,
captain Doug has to replace McGuire at 13.
This is a blow to Shake and Bake but, Swami believes the other more
athletic lefty (Domingues) is ready to step it up. Swami also likes talent level of picks 15 through
17. Clearly best across the board in at
least two of those spots. Swami sees
more talent, heart, chemistry, and competitiveness on this roster compared to
the lumber jocks as a chief rival. Also, as
a late update, rumor has it that McGuire has been replace by “play by the rules,
play by all the rules - Vic”. Swami
believes this guy is a steal as a IR replacement. If the shoulder is healed, he could win line
4 and 5 all day every day…especially if paired with a Priola. St. Bernard Swami predicts a two-horse race
with a slight advantage going to Doug’s Shake and Bake team. Just need Buddy and Tim to play >50
percent of the matches.
Swami’s Draft Grade = A-
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Harper Valley PTA – Captain Tyler
Harper
First
off. May be the worse name for a tennis
team Swami has ever heard. Does anyone
see this team name engraved on the Bentleague trophy at the end of B VII? I certainly do not. Karma and Swami not a fan Tyler. Taking Juan Buise number one a no-brainer for
Ditch and Dive Harper. Paired with hard hitting
Russell will be interesting. Swami may
have gone in a different direction at 2 for consistency’s sake but in Russell
we trust will be a battle cry for HVPTA for the next few months. If those rockets are landing in and Juan’s stamina
improves, top tier can play with anyone per Swami. Next four for HVPTA raised a few eyebrows on
draft night from the Lakehouse BL players and bystanders. Feast or famine draft approach too risky to Swami’s
liking. With Nick in his ear, DandD follows
Tricky Nicky up with SnaggleTooth, CoonAss Melancon, and Come Back Shane. Swami likes picks 5 and 6 better-than 3 and 4
if I am being honest. Why is Tricky in
love with Saba? Can Saba finally justify
Nicky’s admiration being picked ahead of The Donald, Schwartz, and Butcher? Swami would like to point out that captains should
take advice from past winners and not the losers of the last league. Unless you have a Captain’s title to your
name you should not be giving out advice.
Will 5.0 Addi be a mainstay and justify his (very) early 5th
round selection or will 3.5 Addi sneak in for a few matches and cost HVPTA points. Swami agrees with consensus high value pick
(Come Back) at 6 (he’s more athletic than he looks is often used to describe the Woodstone partier) and thinks DandD’s next
three provides solid core to supplement early draft question marks. In short, too early for Addison and Saba, got
lucky to get Shane, and should have told Nick to go sit down and eat some bread
pudding. Swami thinks rumors of Goof’s demise are exaggerated but can’t help noticing draft stock continuing to slip. What’s the deal Ronny? Svelte Mitch at 8 can pair with anyone with a
motor and may be the best volley-er to come out of EJ (sorry Bentley) in the 70’s. Thought the EJ’s boys were tough but seen a
young Decambre getting more press than the big four EJ’ers in older tennis articles. Speaking of…what happened to that toss Todd
since junior tennis? One liability Swami will keep an eye on. Swami believes Doc E
may have gone a little too early on draft night given this is his first foray into
Bentleague, but Swami loves Doc N at 10.
For those keeping score, I believe that is two doctors a piece for S&B
and HVPTA and only one for LJ’s and OBOSONB. So S&B even wins the IQ battle when you throw in a salutatorian to boot. Although Ananth has more than one PHD. Do online PHD’s count? Swami knows Doc N will keep his team in the
match by laying it all on the line when healthy. If you’re not grunting, you’re not trying eh Hal. Looking across, Burrito McQuaid could
dominate against comparable picks from equal rounds or lower if he continues to
win the mental game within his own head and eats a sensible mean prior to his
matches. Cries of “good lob Andrew”
surprising more than one witness in recent weeks. Swami believes Sundial Groeneveld’s game should
fare well as a 12th rounder getting much needed points for HVPTA. LA Tech Steve’s game is ascending but can he
win at line 4 or is line 5 his ceiling right now. Weary
Legs LaCoste very solid in the 14th slot will miss brother Jawn this
go round. Still has the game to win points
for HVPTA and will certainly do better in the cooler months. Senor’ Sid with his 4.5 forehand will earn
some points but has to stay out of no mans’ land to win consistently. Once he learns court position, he will be a
tough out says Swami. I know what you
did last Sumner at 16 struggled in the pre-season but has the game to
rebound. Should fare well once he gets
his sea legs back. Swami sees too many question
marks on this team to be realistic title contenders. I also don’t see these guys drinking a beer
together which is a must for team chemistry.
And Swami has one final thought…Who the hell is Paul Folkins and can he
play while the onlookers are heckling? And is Steve Toups really worse than
someone who has never showed up on a Thursday….
Swami’s Draft Grade = C+ (will youth
prevail, Swami don’t think so)
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One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer –
Captain Paul Eskine
Nice Song
reference, but please don’t sing it Captain Paul. Good song, but not sure how that equates to
Bentleague and your teams title chances. Captain
Paulie, banking on the Baron, not completely off the chains. Solid drafting at #4. Swami believes One Bourbon’s top pairing will
surprise and challenge the heavier hitters with guile and finesse. Swami believes Gaelic Gazeley in under-rated and has the best
all-around game out of the top eight along with Mr. Ed and most draft pundits
agree. He also excels in trash talking when folks can understand him. I like the fact that most most don’t get angry at him because of that accent. Swami also likes the Dr. Death pick at 3. Could have went one or two spots higher in
Swami’s view. Why, you might ask….? Swami says Dr. Death has a
higher ceiling than the other third rounders based on youth, athleticism, and his
use of the sleeveless t-shirt. You won’t
see Tricky and Fair wearing those sleeveless shirts and lets all breathe a sigh
of relief for small favors from the tennis gods. Death will surely be needed at line 1 when the top tier
is not available. Question at 4 exists because
we don’t know which Big Honeysuckle will show up. The one who carried our USTA State Team in
sectionals in 2019 or the one who slumped for Tricky Nicky last year and got relegated
to line 5 during the year. With the
right captain, I say Big JA will rebound but it’s time to justify that high round selection. He’ll be needed
too with EffUHunt going very very early at 5.
This has “keep him unplugged” Paul's stamp all over it. Thinks every captain prior was horrible than
he could be if given the chance. It is now time Paulie to put
up or shut up. Also interested to see
how many times you insert yourself into the line-up. After listening to his hindsight analysis for
6 seasons we finally get to see him write in his own line ups. Swami thinks drafting EffU before Shane, Ray
and, Jeff will spell doom for Paulie’s title run hopes. Tanned one paired with 3,4, or 5 is solid but
not spectacular and unless something has changed, he’ll be at the beach most
Saturdays. Swami also looking forward to
the recently married Latin Tinder Poster Boy (Burt) as he reunites with long time partner
El Chapo (Mesa). Those two performed well during
our Palm Springs’ Nationals year but that was a long long time ago. Not sure how many trips to Ecuador this guy
has planned but he better not leave that young bride alone for too long. (just keep sending money). Mesa, out of sight but not out of mind provides
high value at 8 and may challenge for the point title if his body can hold up. Looking across, Free Willy Spiess can excel across
his line and should garner points for his vocally challenged captain. If someone keeps the score for him, he can
concentrate on those underrated serves and forehand winners. I know Paulie likes to play with Willie so we’ll
see how the Captain pairs them up. Swami,
sadly… believes Captain Paul overshot at 10 with “old knees” Harvey. With Bruce and Ryan not playing, he is officially
carrying the Geritol mantle in Bentleague V II with his teammates Ernie, Rocky,
and Billy. Not a good sign in Swami’s
eyes having all this age on one team. Marty Feldman look-alike at 11
another player capable of scoring points for this team if kept engaged. Captain Paul better find good pairings and
the right chemistry, or he’ll lose this team before the third round. Ernie should be a positive at 12 Has the game to win if he remembers he is not
his son’s age. Todd the wet sprocket dandy when serving (big question mark) well another solid
selection at this juncture in the draft.
Really should have had a higher upside than most in this league if you would have read
his press clippings as a youth. More
chemistry questions with Rocky at 14, because as everyone knows he’s the new
Nick Scriabine. Swami says underrated
Chris at 15 will surprise some with more w’s than l’s. CZipp motivated by putting in the work in
the gym. Looking to impress and outshine his dad a motivating factor. And then there is Toups as the new Mr.
Irrelevant. Steve, expectations are low
so you cannot disappoint. Bentleague VII’s
new number 68 captures Swami’s expectations for One Bourbon One Scotch and One
Beer’s team’s title chances. Fair to midling. Should be good enough to play
spoiler on occasion but do not see this team contending for a title realistically. Battle for third will be a tall order in Swami's view. As mentioned, just too many too Old for Swami to give them serous title consideration. And if I’m wrong, I’ll pay to hear Paulie Sing. Just keep the plunger close.
Swami’s Draft Grade = D
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Pre-season predictions:
League Champion
Shake and Bake – Captain Doug
League MVP
Bo Markovic
League Point Champion
Peter Feringa
Unheralded Asset
Michael Schwartz
Biggest Disappointment
Brad Humphreys
Best Teammate
Anthony Priola
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Only
thing left now is to play the Matches.
Good luck
Bentleague participants.
Here’s to
the best tennis league and camaraderie on the Northshore.
Keep the
beer cold and the bad line calls to a minimum!
😊
Swami
OUT!
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