Bentleague IX - Opening Night Round One (Guest Blogger - Big Burrito)

Round 1 opened up with lots of tennis action and a whirlwind of paparazzi coverage (…okay no paparazzi just other tennis players waiting to get on the court!) A fog of suspense and criminal mischief has descended on this once pristine league of valor and friendship. Similar to the weight and moral consciousness of the 10 Commandments, were BentLeague rules broken and manipulated for the benefit of another’s victory??? Probably not, just a damn mistake that won’t matter (unlike Roberto’s shot against Brad.) Let it be known, BentLeague is a tennis governing body of the Commish and many other mysterious governing branches of checks and balances. All mistakes , under-breath comments and obvious pink hat worthy actions are documented and forever used against you (and I mean your whole life, like 90 years and when you die, and yes, a pink hat can go in the coffin!) No matter if the world is going to hell in a handbasket, BentLeague will remain a solid foundation to escape from the “real world” out there! Like Wimbledon, BentLeague will always respect our time honored traditions. I’m not talking about white shorts (maybe Jay’s skin tight whites but have you seen Tony’s clown outfits?) I speak of strong friendships and lots of trash talking with many bruised egos but in the end, like the Marines, we leave no man behind and only let you cry for a little bit. And the answer is NO if you ask to play in a skirt unless you are Scottish and can play bagpipes! I digress…so lets get on with the highlights and see if the Swarmi was correct in his preliminary evaluations: Round 1 Early Match Team Spin Doctors Lobbyist Line 1 Ed D. (Dr. Death) and Will (Has the Skill?) Gement VS. Noah (Marqui) Marquez and Jeff T.(Gummified) Is it time to bring out the Defib machine? Did Death die, thank heavens no but maybe his backhand consistency did on court 4. Can the defib bring back to life Will’s confidence and shot making ability- time will tell… Was Tony right that Noah can build a large boat and save all the animals and elevate Jeff’s game? The answer could be yes or Jeff has discovered the right size gummy and THC beverage combination! Rumor has it that Jeff has his own courts outside his new home and practices a lot! Lobbyist win 6-4 , 6-3 Line 2 Mike (Net Skills) Schwartz and Steve (Suntan) Jacobs VS. Chris (Knuckleball) Kobrock and Mark (the Ninja) Schneider Hard fought match on the dirt. Suntan Steve seen spotted working on his golden sheen but dirt does not mean you are at the beach! Both Mike and Steve seen running frantically back and forth from baseline to net as if they were trying to beat the crowd to the best beachside recliners available. Unfortunately, Chris and Mark were like the classic beach bullies and just kicked sand in their faces as they fired topspin lobs and crushing “tennis tossed salad) slice and dices all over the court. Lobbyist win 6-4 , 6-3 Line 3 Greg (Jeff’s Connection) Gordo and Brad (Big Mouth) Humphries VS. Peter (The Hungarian) and Roberto (Head Games) G Another hard fought match on court 5 for all to watch! I have heard and eaten a lot of Hungarian Goulash and it is awesome. However, Gordon and Brad served up another dish of victory that may leave Roberto and Peter with a bad taste in their mouth long after this weekend! Brad, The Mouth, was chirping loudly throughout the match and Gordo’s forearms were working overtime repelling great groundstrokes and drop shots from Roberto and Peter. Some things may have been said that “cross the line” on BentLeague’s honor system but we will see if this provides fuel for the fire for a future revenge match. Just make sure that Peter didn’t have enough and book a ticket to Romania! Spin Doctors win 7-5, 7-5 Line 4 Ray B and David P (The Handicaps) VS. Robby (Take a Chill Pill) E. and Jay (The Governor) Blossman Since leaving the hospital, Ray and David looked forward to getting on the courts again. Watching the first set, David looked like a wheel chair may be required to move on the courts. A landslide first set showed that maybe an ambulance would be required to send them both back for medical re-dos. Nevertheless, Ray wiped a frustrated tear from David’s eye’s and the comeback was on! Jay’s lobs and cut shots and Robby’s “windmill” groundstrokes made the match interesting but in the end Ray and David proved that MediCare is a winner! Spin Doctors win 1-6, 7-5, 1-0 Line 5 Hal (Don’t Sweat It) N. and Cam BAM BAM Zipp VS. Greg (The Doc) E. and Todd (Toss Up) Delcambre Based on Hal’s sweaty footsteps all over the court, this match was a tug of war battle between slices a strong forehands. Not many dropshots in this one as baseline consistency won the day and I’m sure Greg likes it this way. Some spectators thought Cam was using a Junior’s racquet during match play but that man is just a big guy! There was no purple teeth sighting but the victory definitely deserved a toast! Lobbyist 6-3, 6-3 Late Match Team Smash City Net Prophets Line 1 Tricky Nicky T. and Mark The Ego Fair VS. Russell (The Hustle) A. and Shane (Better than I Look) McCarthy Action was as Billed- Some serious tennis with some serious tennis shots going on here! Very tight match with many lead changes and momentum shifts. All four used their skill sets to help get some points and win some games. Tie breaker was a missed opportunity with a 5-0 lead that vanished like Russel right after the match. Shane had his game face on (and some new sneakers to look a little taller) and Russel was proving why he went #1 in the draft (though I did see fear in his eyes and heart in that tiebreaker.) Mark and Nick easily held their own (Mark’s EGO did not pop like the Zepplin after the match) and Nick was looking in his bags of tricks shots for a the sweet revenge of a future rematch. Net Prophet 5-7, 6-3, 1-0 Line 2 (Got it Going) Grant M. and Blake Two-Handed Powers VS. Jay (Working the System) Butcher and Addi (5.0 where you been) After manipulating the scoring system, Capt. Jay overcame his injuries and returned to the court to show why he could be the next “Terminator” as he is back with a vengeance! Great shots in this one as everyone came to play and show their talents in front of everyone. 5.0 Addi showed up, very serious game face and no barf so win-win! The first set loss had Jay throw his racket (no surprise) and his face turned very red. Many thought it could be the health condition again but we realized it was the 1st set loss and those tight shorts! Blake and Grant strutted their stuff and showed that the future may have many wins in store for them. Net Prophet 5-7, 7-5, 1-0 Line 3 Ronnie (Goof) R. and Andrew “Burrito” McQuaid VS. Billy (Slow Puff) Spiess and Eddie (and The Cruisers) Burdette Really?? Burrito- that’s the best name for me? Billy and Eddie came to play on the clay!!! Billy was working his magic as he smoothly stroked deep ground strokes and followed them up with killer placement volleys. He was a tennis magician that definitely inhaled some of his smoke and mirrors tennis trick. Eddie served strong bombs and was hitting powerful forehands barley clearing the net. Clearly these guys can play some tennis and were great steals at their drafted rounds! Ronnie and I won. Smash City 6-4, 6-2 Line 4 Kevin (The Squirrel) F. and Cayman (The Cooking Cannon) VS. Ty (Thank You Much) Miller and Ernie Anderson The faint sound of Civil War Cannon fire and sneaky rodent steps could be heard all over PAC this evening! The nicknames are given for a reason and they showed us once again as this match withstood the test of a sideline mob out for blood. More lob shots than a 2.5 ladies match, this contest will have half of the mob in a neck cast trying to watch Ty and Cayman rally from the baseline. Squeaky Kevin and Earnest Ernie (I am not saying anything bad about this great guy) jumped in and stole some short lobs to wake up the crowd. Eventually, some high pressure serve misfires and short lobs earned TY (Thank You Much) his current nickname- hoping this can change to something more ferocious but based on those lobs looks like it will be here for a while. Smash City Honestly Won 3rd set Tie Breaker Line 5 Bentley The Commish and Jeff (Pray to a tennis Saint) Romain VS. Paul (Tomahawk) E. and Eric (the Danger) Daigle I’m not sure if this line was not part of BentleaugeGATE…as suspicious placement of the line was wayyyy back in the back. Like no one would ever see who was playing and what kind of conspiracy was unravelling on this forever tainted court. Will PAC lay out caution tape and this court forever be the monument of shame and unrest never to be played on again? Just typing this makes me feel dirty and uneasy. Speaking of uneasy did you see how Bentley and Jeff played together- awkward! Like two opposite magnets- one moved the other doesn’t. It could have been the weight of the malicious lineup intent but who am I to really know. I do not foresee a sleep over party anytime soon. However, these two will right their ships and win some lineups in the near future. Next time hit to the “Tomahawk” as his weapon is as dull as his winners, and stay way from Eric and his “Danger” Zone forehand might be a better strategy. Smash City comes off dazed and confused as they recover from Daigle power shots and just living through the mental tennis abuse that Paul delivers so well. FORFEIT (too early for BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS?) Smash City Winner, Winner Burrito Dinner!!! Wow, this is some work and I have a full time job (not working for the government) so I hope this was my best and last blog. The league has started and already may be the best part of our lives for the next few months. It’s a blessing and a pleasure to always meet our friends at the courts and enjoy the fun together. Glad to see new faces and hope that they too will add to the “BentLeague Magic” and trash talk while we continue down this road, together. Wipe the tears and get ready for the next round!!!